Today is my birthday... why dont i feel excited and happy?
i dont really know. it just doesnt seem like its my birthday at all. i was so excited about it. but when it rained today, i wanted to cry. 2 days ago, i saw the most perfect of days. and yesterday it rained for the whole day, so i hoped that today would be a perfect sunny day too. but i was wrong. i expected too much on my 18th birthday. what a fool i was.
at least Christina tried to surprise me during lunch today. TRIED :P she bought me a blueberry cheese cake :) thank you :D
sigh. im crying, and im wondering why im not happy that its my birthday. last year, i had so many people messaging me, this year, the numbers dropped so drastically...
Gerald left a note at 6:34 PM
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Monday, December 03, 2007
...in a man's life, there are two important dates : his birth and his death. Everything we do in between is not very important. -Jacques Brel
Have you ever wondered why people enjoy, watching the Sun rise and set? Have you ever wondered why people hate, when the sun is at noon and blazing at you?
Ever wonder why people love when it rains, in the afternoon and not in the morning and evening?
Its because people hate the afternoons when the sun is up and awake. People love it when the Sun is waking up and falling asleep.
Did anyone care that the Sun helps our trees and plants grow? Only the farmers did. Everyone else kept cursing the Sun.
Is the world really that selfish? Yes.
Narcissism what better way to die, than on the day you were born. birthdays mean so much to everyone, why can't i feel the same way? its because everyone is so selfish, they keep wanting you to give more, and they never return the favour. they never think you would be hurt, they never think you would mind. they just keep taking you for granted. and you start to wonder, is that how my life will be? will no one really care if i died, will they only care, because they have to do things on their own now? love, love never brings hurt to anyone. its the world that makes things complicated. its the lack of commitment in relationships. its the selfishness from people... to gain something, you have to give up something else. to always give something to others, the only return, is hurt and tears. the thoughts of suicide, the thoughts of murder, the thoughts of regret. and you ask yourself yet again, why me, what have i done to deserve this. and you pretend God is listening, so you shout, why me! you run to the beach and shout it, thinking he would hear it. you kneel down on the sand, crying your heart out. suffocating, drowning in sorrow. does anyone listen? does anyone care? my dreams, dashed... my heart...... you sigh under your breath. die, die, die, die, die, die, die... why won't someone kill me, why won't God kill me. everyone hurts me, but why don't they just kill me instead... that is all you say to yourself...
Gerald left a note at 1:25 AM
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Sunday, December 02, 2007
30th November was Christina's Birthday!!!!
I wanted to do so much for her. Ran out of time, but i guess thats no excuse. I wrote a poem for her. But that shall not be posted unless she says its okay. :)
Anyway, I sang for her with my best friend Ignatius. Good times good times we had. Living the memories we shared together in Secondary School. Haha.
Well Christina, I HOPE YOU WERE REALLY REALLY HAPPY THAT NIGHT!!! :D
Can You Feel The Love Tonight I know you expect alot from me, I do try to give it to you. I swear it.
But all i need is time to do those things, like making presents for you. Writting songs for you.
All that time is taken up, because my eyes miss you. My ears, miss your sweet voice. My arms, always want to hold you. And my lips, burning with desire, For your Kiss.
As we walked towards Fort Canning Park, As we climbed those flights of stairs, I kept looking up to the moon, Kept on taking deep breathes.
But why you asked, It was because, I felt so much Love that night.
The stars were so visible, so Beautiful, and reflecting in your eyes.
Can you feel the Love tonight my dear... Because I can..
I just wrote the poem. Or maybe its just a composition. I dont know. Haha. As i was writting the post, the words just kept coming into my head.
