Listening to oldies again. Feeling sentimental all over.
I'll never forget my Bestfriend. She brings Joy to my life, truly.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The first introduction, the first phonecall to her, the first of everything.
And the last few moments of it all. When she described me clear as day. No one else could. No one else understood. No one else knew. And neither did they bother to.
She never told it to me directly. But as I read the messages. I started crying. The first ever, happy tears that lasted a lifetime to me. She told a friend of mine, a lover at that time.
That my character is based on the songs I listen to, that it isn't difficult to understand me, it's that people aren't willing to look closer, to look further, to look clearer.
The first line just literally stunned me as I read it. I read it over and over and over and over... I read it so many times. I could not believe it. She never showed it, she never mentioned, And I realized...I never noticed.
She noticed every move I made, every action, every word I said. And I failed her.
It was at that moment, that I realized, As i am always there for my friends, She has always been there for me. I was never there for her, I never knew her, Never understood her like she did of me. And I called her my Bestfriend.
I'm pathetic. How could I have done this... Why was I so clouded... It's because I was selfish. Not a waking second of my life goes by without me thinking about her.
I screwed up. I broke my promises to her. My biggest regret in life. Losing my Bestfriend... Taking her for granted.. I never treasured what I had, I never took notice. I was blind in all aspects. Because I put my own needs first. Because what I've always yearned for was Love.
The love from a friend. From a friend like her, breaks all boundaries. I may cry, I may beg, I hurt myself, I pray, All in vain. Because I'm just afraid.
I've never been afraid to try. Never gave up.
To get her back, I feared. I tried without giving it my all.. And I gave up.
After all I did, after all I've done. I do not want to hurt her anymore. I will live with this forever. I deserve it.
I need her. She's the only one, that ever fell in love with as a friend. The one that showed me worlds, Brought me true Joy that went straight to my soul.
I'm sorry for everything. I live in faith, that I'd see you again. I love you.
Gerald left a note at 3:36 AM
Saturday, May 05, 2012
I spent the last few days...or maybe even weeks.
Just thinking, reminiscing on my past.
As I sing songs to myself everyday. I remember songs that have been sung to me.
One of the best songs ever sung to me, was by a girl that actually just toyed with my feelings.
Either way...I remember she was from TP in the speech and drama CCA.
I went to one of her play's when I was 16 if I'm not wrong. Yes she was older than me.
At the end of the night, she sang 'Angel' by Sarah Mclachlan.
I was captivated at that time.
Many years passed on...I met a girl called Joanne.
She knew I loved singing.
But to give me a push cos she was dying to hear me.
She sang the song 'Eternal Flame' by Bangles.
She sang it at the sunset bar & grill. There were so many people around us at that time! The backdrop was beautiful with the sun setting behind her. I was mesmerized.
Immediately after, I sang 'When you say nothing at all' by Ronan Keating. By the end of it, as we gazed up into each others eyes, we noticed a weird feeling.
Turning around to look, 3-5 tables of other diners were all staring at us!! But who cares!
It was freaking amazing! That 10 minutes just lasted a lifetime!
P.S. Her whole family loves singing! And they are great at it!
And now, another girl has sang to me. I've got no idea what the song is called cos it's in mandarin.
But my...her voice just melts my very soul. Falling for her my not have been my best choice because yet again, I'm living the life of 'an unsung hero'.
It's too late to pull myself out of the deep pit I've fallen into.
Nonetheless I have to get out! Things went sour, they aren't the same anymore.
I'm ready, time to save cash, go online, but a microphone!
Bring it to Christina's place and record it!!!!
I have my DSLR, so does Ian! I'm gonna shock all my friends.
Those that have never heard me. YouTube!
Here comes me!!!...and Mary-Kate(my semi-acoustic)!!!!
Gerald left a note at 2:14 AM
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Life still sucks. Hooray!
Gerald left a note at 7:03 PM
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Through A Fire
Set my heart ablaze with your love, In a flame that never goes out. Your presence my oxygen, Your eyes the spark. Our hearts merging together, With the flame of Love.
Gerald left a note at 12:54 AM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I've been wasting time hanging around all my life. And I'm getting sick of it, Hating my life more and more. I don't want to see my life get any worse, I get misled time and time again, And yet I hang on awaiting a simple 'Yes'.
I lie on a pillow wet by my own tears everynight. Wondering why I had to learn life the hard way, Even when, Things could have been made so easy.
I'm tired... Tired of thinking about my future, Thinking of what to do. Planning my days...
All that I see, Are my friends doing things behind my back. What do they need friends for if the lie and hide things? Why do I even need friends for if this is all I get...
Gerald left a note at 1:32 AM
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Hello Blog! Hello World! UPDATE!!!
Well, recently i was posted to Sungei Gedong camp in Lim Chu Kang area to be a RP (Regimental Police) Its a stay out camp, 8am-bout 6pm lol.
When i went to the camp the first day, i brought EVERYTHING, duffer bag, field pack and another big bag. lol. When i arrived and found the officer in-charge, he said its a stay out camp, why did you bring all this. LOL! I carried all that shit up the bloody hill to the camp, and now he says i gotta bring it HOME?!?!?!
Anyway, the camp is quite nice, quiet, peaceful. I like it that way, and i get to rest in the bunk and sleep after my shift. So, i guess fate decided to give me a break!
Hmm, im looking forward to my birthday! I really hope things get better for me from now on. Oh yeah, and my uncle's getting married! So i get to wear a suit! haha.
I also have like, 2 vids of me singing while my colleagues play the guitar during my job attachement, but i lost the vids so im trying to find it again. IF I DO! I MIGHT post it up here. Not sure why im gonna embarass myself, but...i guess...i got nothing to lose at the moment. LOL.
Good luck to Jasmine and Christina for your exams!!! Thanks for the comments maxine and jasmine. LOL. I didnt update for so long, when i decided to check and update, i saw 2 of your comments. haha. Didnt think anyone would comment since my blog has been collecting dust.
Whenever fate takes something away from us, Never give up, keep trying and make it last. Whenever you make a mistake, learn from it, don't take it to heart. Whenever someone makes fun of you, JUST KEEP QUIET! lol. cos getting angry won't help you, it'll only make him/her more than happy to continue.
Oh yea, i like to put these colors with my paragraphs cos i think you readers get bored reading if its all the same color. LOL!
HAVE FUN!!! Feel free to call me anytime, im kinda lonely :( I can give good advice! I think... :S
Gerald left a note at 5:26 AM
Friday, July 11, 2008
Hello again everybody. Been a long long time since i updated this dusty blog of mine. Just wrote this outta thin air.
Happiness One look in your eye my dear, I know you'll never lie.
One sniff of your hair my dear, I know you've been crying.
One touch on your skin my dear, I know you've been lonely.
Let me take your hand my dear, I will bring you to your Cloud 9.
Don't look down, Don't open your eyes, Don't shed anymore tears, Let me show you, What you've been missing my dear.
I will give you anything my dear, Let me, Help you stand up again.
Let me, Bring you Happiness.
Gerald left a note at 3:19 AM
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I tried so hard, to keep this going. I did everything right, hoping nothing would go wrong.
Yet you keep lying, denying you were right. It hurt me more each time, and you left scars in my mind.
I cried each time I remembered, the pain, the joy, the tears.
Time to let go, and let fate decide. As we go our seperate ways, I hope you will find happiness.
I have been cheated many times, and you didn't do any different. You promised I would be happy, and I foolishly trusted you.
Its been 9 months, and the promise hasn't been fulfilled. I'm deeply disappointed, I guess this is for the best.
Gerald left a note at 10:02 PM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I had so much fun today at sentosa. Though i had only 5 hours of sleep.
Well, too long to say the story at sentosa. LOL
but after that, i went for dinner with Ian at seoul garden in ngee ann city. then we took the bus back to bukit panjang.
we were supposed to go home but Ian decided we chill at Starbucks.
AND YET AGAIN!!! I FLOODED HIM WITH MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES! lol His head was held high and then it started getting lower and lower till he started staring at the floor. Which means i was making a point.
I just kept telling him to give himself a chance and be confident and use that power of speech he has to socialise instead of complaining about being single time and time again. Then i told him, the word "TRIED and TRIED MY BEST" can only be used until the results of the situation are out. Cos he keeps giving up, you can't say you've tried until its over if not thats counted as GIVING UP! The word PERSERVERE needs to be used more often in peoples lives. so many people are giving up
If you want something to happen, u have to do something about it in order to make it happen. things dont fall down from trees unless their Apples.
If someone calls u stupid and u get mad, then u really are stupid. Just tell yourself, he's just jealous. Your life is IN YOUR HANDS!!! If you want a good life, start doing things right.
If you fall, pick yourself up(duh) But dont fall after every step u take, thats stupid, do something to push yourself a lil higher, if u keep falling, you're doing something wrong.(the same mistake basically)
Everything lies within you, everyone and anyone can be who they wanna be, if they put their hard to it, they'll find a way someday. If that day never comes in the end, u can tell yourself that u accomplished something at least. What did u accomplish? Nothing! BUT you feel good about yourself, because you kept TRYING and never gave up no matter what people said and how the odds were stacked against you. You are happy because you are stronger than others, cos everyone else gives up halfway.
Make something out of your life, dont take too long to think. By then, it'll be too late to do anything. I know i know, im not doing what im saying now, But who says i can't share my thoughts! LOL. We're all getting older each day, the phrase "You can't teach old dogs new tricks" is wrong. The truth is, YOU CAN! It just takes time and patience, and its frustrating too. So make the right choices now to prevent that.
IAN! PLEASE WAKE UP!!!!! NOBODY RUNS YOUR LIFE BUT YOU!!!
Gerald left a note at 1:37 AM
Sunday, January 06, 2008
To Love Somebody - BeeGees
There's a light A certain kind of light That never shone on me I want my life to lived with you Lived with you
There's a way everybody say To do each and every little thing But what does it bring If I ain't got you, ain't got ?
You don't know what it's like, baby, You don't know what it's like To love somebody To love somebody To love somebody The way I love you
There's brain I see your face again I know my frame of mind You ain't got to be so blind And I'm blind, so very blind I'm a man, can't you see What I am I live and breathe for you But what good does it do If I ain't got you, ain't got ?
Gerald left a note at 9:22 PM
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Today is my birthday... why dont i feel excited and happy?
i dont really know. it just doesnt seem like its my birthday at all. i was so excited about it. but when it rained today, i wanted to cry. 2 days ago, i saw the most perfect of days. and yesterday it rained for the whole day, so i hoped that today would be a perfect sunny day too. but i was wrong. i expected too much on my 18th birthday. what a fool i was.
at least Christina tried to surprise me during lunch today. TRIED :P she bought me a blueberry cheese cake :) thank you :D
sigh. im crying, and im wondering why im not happy that its my birthday. last year, i had so many people messaging me, this year, the numbers dropped so drastically...
Gerald left a note at 6:34 PM
Monday, December 03, 2007
...in a man's life, there are two important dates : his birth and his death. Everything we do in between is not very important. -Jacques Brel
Have you ever wondered why people enjoy, watching the Sun rise and set? Have you ever wondered why people hate, when the sun is at noon and blazing at you?
Ever wonder why people love when it rains, in the afternoon and not in the morning and evening?
Its because people hate the afternoons when the sun is up and awake. People love it when the Sun is waking up and falling asleep.
Did anyone care that the Sun helps our trees and plants grow? Only the farmers did. Everyone else kept cursing the Sun.
Is the world really that selfish? Yes.
Narcissism what better way to die, than on the day you were born. birthdays mean so much to everyone, why can't i feel the same way? its because everyone is so selfish, they keep wanting you to give more, and they never return the favour. they never think you would be hurt, they never think you would mind. they just keep taking you for granted. and you start to wonder, is that how my life will be? will no one really care if i died, will they only care, because they have to do things on their own now? love, love never brings hurt to anyone. its the world that makes things complicated. its the lack of commitment in relationships. its the selfishness from people... to gain something, you have to give up something else. to always give something to others, the only return, is hurt and tears. the thoughts of suicide, the thoughts of murder, the thoughts of regret. and you ask yourself yet again, why me, what have i done to deserve this. and you pretend God is listening, so you shout, why me! you run to the beach and shout it, thinking he would hear it. you kneel down on the sand, crying your heart out. suffocating, drowning in sorrow. does anyone listen? does anyone care? my dreams, dashed... my heart...... you sigh under your breath. die, die, die, die, die, die, die... why won't someone kill me, why won't God kill me. everyone hurts me, but why don't they just kill me instead... that is all you say to yourself...
Gerald left a note at 1:25 AM
Sunday, December 02, 2007
30th November was Christina's Birthday!!!!
I wanted to do so much for her. Ran out of time, but i guess thats no excuse. I wrote a poem for her. But that shall not be posted unless she says its okay. :)
Anyway, I sang for her with my best friend Ignatius. Good times good times we had. Living the memories we shared together in Secondary School. Haha.
Well Christina, I HOPE YOU WERE REALLY REALLY HAPPY THAT NIGHT!!! :D
Can You Feel The Love Tonight I know you expect alot from me, I do try to give it to you. I swear it.
But all i need is time to do those things, like making presents for you. Writting songs for you.
All that time is taken up, because my eyes miss you. My ears, miss your sweet voice. My arms, always want to hold you. And my lips, burning with desire, For your Kiss.
As we walked towards Fort Canning Park, As we climbed those flights of stairs, I kept looking up to the moon, Kept on taking deep breathes.
But why you asked, It was because, I felt so much Love that night.
The stars were so visible, so Beautiful, and reflecting in your eyes.
Can you feel the Love tonight my dear... Because I can..
I just wrote the poem. Or maybe its just a composition. I dont know. Haha. As i was writting the post, the words just kept coming into my head.
Rock on good people! :)
I LOVE YOU CHRISTINA! I AM SORRY!
Gerald left a note at 2:10 AM
Monday, August 20, 2007
As my broken Heart slowly Dies...
You have been the Volcano, On my Snowy Cold Mountain.
Often errupting, and almost never forgiving.
As your flame and heat melt, Me off the Earth's surface. All I have left, is Air to blow you away. But you live on Air.
I have none left to breathe on, As I slowly die, You never show your Mercy, But only Mother Nature's Fury.
After you are done, I am slowly rebuilding my mountain. The Mountain is my heart and soul. And before I am done healing myself.
You errupt yet again, Leaving me with nothing. All I see are open plains, Full of ash.
Have A Heart. If you really Love me. Change, Try to understand me.
At the top of every Volcano, There lies a small degree of Snow. And that is how I get close to you.
You should know, What I've wanted from you. As I have always told you.
Though you expect me to know what you want, I do try to give each time I get the chance.
You are killing me inside, Do you not see?
No matter how plain and forward, I tell you what I want. Yet, You fail to give.
Though its as small as, Just asking for 1 minute. To send me a message. As small as, Just telling me You Love me.
Please Understand Me. Please Listen Carefully. Each Time I repeat, I sacrifice a part of me.
Just to forgive, My ONE and ONLY Love. A small part of me is eaten up, Because being angry at you, Breaks my heart.
I know, Everyone is Capable of CHANGE. Everyone can be who they want to be. As long as they are determined. As long as they have A REASON.
Gerald left a note at 6:28 PM
Monday, August 06, 2007
Okay. Had quite a rough weekend.
Had my gaming tournament on saturday. 12 hours at the event. LOL. Me and my teammates managed to get first place. :)
And yesterday, we collected our prizes in the morning and blah blah. Lack of sleep. Then stayed there till bout 4.30 cos i didnt wanna go home as i was meeting Christina later.
We had dinner at Fish&Co, and there were so many people having their birthday there. bout 4 if i remember correctly. After that, erm. After me and Christina came out from the toilet at Parkmall. We decided to take a side exit. And she missed a step. Fractured here ankle. And we had quite a rough night basically.
When i got home. My brother gave me my handphone bill to look at, and passed me a letter. The letter was from poetry.com It said that a poem which i entered into a poetry contest made it to the semi-finals. And it will be published in an upcoming poetry book. I was so excited and happy.
Until my sister came into the room telling me that my best friend got into a car accident. I was so worried. My girlfriend was jealous, thinking that i have 2 girls in my heart, instead of 1. Its hard for me already. My knee joints keep rubbing, and it hurts so badly. I took care of my girlfriend till she got a cab home. But i guess it wasn't enough to keep her from feeling jealous afterwards. 2 girls, 1 a lover, the other a close friend. 1 with a fractured ankle, the other with injuries from the car accident and is still i shock. I dont understand girls, but...jealousy has a limit too. I slept around 1am just to help Christina feel more secure. Lost alot of sleeping time.
I haven't had enough sleep since the 28th july. I just wish i could get some sleep. But there are so many things bothering me. I dont know what to do. I can't even think and care about myself right now no matter how much pain i am in. Think i'm gonna get sick soon.
And i got the video of me singing some songs. Got no mood to post up here. But if u readers want to see it, u can gimme ur email and i'll send u through MSN.
Gerald left a note at 5:40 PM
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Heard this song on the radio today during work. :D
Sadly, today my 2 colleagues that play the guitar during lunchbreak took leave from work today.
Their like best buds so they probly took leave from work together.
So, still no video. Think most probly next week.
And during work,
I thought of the mistakes i've done to my girlfriend.
Like, during the past 3 days.
And just wrote something out of it.
Each time you think I forgot,
To make a call to you.
Its not because I forgot,
I just could not.
Though I explained,
I felt you just would not,
I am really sorry,
I am trying my very best.
Yet obstacles always appear,
And leaves me with no where else to go,
I truly am sorry,
But you can always call me,
When I fail to do so.
If I don't make the move,
Are you just going,
To keep sitting there,
For your phone to ring?
This picture, was taken when me and my friends were at Starbucks.
We were really moody,
And just sick and tired of waiting.
Me and my friend's girlfriend PLUS another friend of ours,
were just talking amongst themselves about their own stuff.
We felt left out,
and just wanted to go home.
Yet we ended up taking pics like this.
I guess nobody likes waiting...
Gerald left a note at 7:04 PM
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I just stopped crying.
Just couldnt stop thinking of my dog.
I had so many horrible thoughts of her today.
I kept seeing her in a coffin.
And i wanted to cry so badly during that time.
Now, every time i blink or close my eyes,
I see her eyes.
Remember the way she looked at me whenever i was sad.
Think i'll post the poem i wrote about her.
Her name is Chocolate.
Whenever i was sad,You would always cuddle up to me.
And keep me company.
Whenever i came home from school,
You would always come running to greet me.
Whenever i have a bad day,
You would look at me with those beautiful eyes.
And put a smile on my face.
You're like another sister to me,
I just dont know what to do now without you.
I feel a big piece of my heart has just been ripped out.
Stolen and kept for ransom.
I pray you'll come back to me safely.
But i would never do anything to hurt you.
Just breaks my heart into another million pieces.
Over and over and over.
Everytime i cry,
You'd lick the tears i've cried.
I know u dont want me to cry.
At this moment.
I'm crying my heart out,
Trying to keep the pain inside,
Its just too hard!
No matter how angry and sad i am,
No matter how hard i punish myself.
I just wish none of this would happen,
To cause me to lose You.
I Love You,I Love You,I Love You.
Gerald left a note at 11:30 PM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Today at during my lunchbreak at work. Was singing with my colleagues at work. Actually i was the only 1 singing, they just play the guitar and i love singing. LOL. I always sing for my girlfriend, so i guess its sorta like practice. But i wanna learn the guitar so badly! Firstly, i dont have a guitar. Secondly, i dont know anyone that is very good at playin the guitar.
Oh, and i was singing the song I've Got A Message For You by BeeGees this afternoon. To me, i sung it really well. When i asked my friend beside me, he said i was really really good, he said i was d**n good. Haha. I felt like askin him to take a video cos i was confident bout singing that song. But i forgot. So...i'll try to remember tmr and maybe post it up on my blog! Haha. :) I've got a video of singing the song Words by BeeGees. I dont think i was very good, tough my friend kept saying i was. When i sang that song, it was like the second week that i was there. And it was the first time singing with my colleagues. So yea, was nervous. I MIGHT post up that video together with the new one if i remember to take it. Haha. Depends on my nerves. :P
I LOVE YOU CHRISTINA!
Gerald left a note at 10:03 PM
Monday, July 23, 2007
Haven't posted for quite awhile. Been busy with work and catching up with friends and meeting my girlfriend. Sorry!! Haha. Today when i was on the bus home. I was listening to BeeGees. And there are a few songs which i've got attached to. Somehow connects with my feelings and mood.
As I watch each train go by, I start wondering, If you are coming.
As people get on and off the train, I desperately look for you among the crowds.
Anxiety begins fading away, An the loss of excitement, Makes me think, If I would be better of, Staying at home.
The train station, So far from home, I rushed there just to meet you on time, As I left late.
I made it on time, But you were no where in sight. You finally returned my calls, Saying you haven not left yet, And you would be there soon.
Yet my spirits weren't lifted, As each second went by, I felt the dark side pulling me in... I felt like giving up, And I felt like leaving.
Gerald left a note at 11:07 PM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Make the sacrifice for the ones you love. Before they leave, And you just wish they could see, How much they mean to you.
If u really loved me so much, No matter what obstacles we would face. U would face it with me. Instead of letting go, and giving in to fear.
I have done so much. U have promised me so much. But why is it so easy for you to say, and so hard for you to show me.
The simplest things you do, The easiest things you CAN do. Mean the most to me, No matter how small they may seem to u.
Dont u think its worth it? Cos you are doing it for me? The promises that you have made, Just dont seem real.
Cos when the time came, U turned around and ran. The words you say now, Are getting harder to believe.
The more you hesitate, it gets harder for me to believe. I starting to have doubts, about your love to me now.
I think you're losing love for me, Yet i am still gaining love for you. I always try not to give up without a fight, But dont encourage me to run.
In this case now, Actions really speak louder than words. Cos things are easier said than done. Its like you dont want me to know anything about you anymore. U wont even show me the real you without hesitating. All i wanted was for u to let down your hair.
And i got the stupidest excuse. Why is it so hard for me to see your unpinned up hair? Why is it so troublesome to redo it again? Does this mean u arent willing to go through all that trouble for me, Cos u are lazy?
I have nothing left to say. Too much has been said already. U should know by now. Time to do it for me.
Gerald left a note at 11:32 PM
Monday, June 25, 2007
Wrote this only JUST.
He & She
He was so blind. He was so afraid to trust her. He feared losing her. Those doubts drove him crazy. For he loved her so...
He would do anything, He would change himself, He would even kill himself, Just to see a smile on her face, Just to make see her happy again.
An angry thought he had, Set him ablaze inside, He wanted to let her go, But he dared not. For his love kept growing, And she was all he had left, To keep him going.
He told her the thought, And explained why he did not. She turned and tried to run, But he pulled her back. She cried in hurt, She cried in pain, For she has never thought of leaving him, Due to anger and frustrations.
He was so ashamed, He wanted to kill himself, But she held him back. Saying "You dared not follow your thoughts Only, Because you truly love me." Yet, He could not believe that he had been forgiven. After hurting her so bad, Then, He knew, That he had been wrong.
He had been wrong to doubt her love. He had been wrong, To doubt HER. He was disappointed at himself, Now he has seen and felt, The love she truly has for him. The feelings she has for him, But have always been so afraid to show. Now, The both of them know. They need each others LOVE, To keep on going..
Gerald left a note at 10:18 PM
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Lifehouse - Make me over
Wrap my arms around your name Feel your breath against my pains As I breath out The Past is gone Empty Smile Make it hard Who I was, Falls apart When you're here Inside of me Feel till your no death perception becoming the new different door. I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind In your mind Changing myself just to stand alone in your eyes In your eyes Pull me in, Take me out, Make me over Read the wave, ride your fears In this ocean of years, we've been here Swimming off Take me deep, till I find Every corner of your mind We've been here Swimming off Touch, till you taste all the time We are wasting alone Waiting here I'm losing myself just to find aplace in your mind In your mind Changing myself just to stand alone in your eyes In your eyes Pull me in, Take me out, Make me over And shout me outload, Shout me outload I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind In your mind Changing myself just to stand alone in your eyes In your eyes I'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind In your mind Pull me in, Take me out, Make me over....
Gerald left a note at 4:59 AM
Saturday, June 09, 2007
What i find in people, they do not admit the things they have done wrong. Like some of my gaming mates. They never admit to it when u dont ask. EVEN if you ask, they wont admit it even more. And when u really close them down, the still use excuses to run from humiliation.
It takes guts and confidence to admit to your mistake though u know that u face humiliation. Whats the big deal? Why keep running? The more you run, the more it chases after you. Facing or Taking on your fear as soon as possible boosts alot of confidence in you and helps your own self-esteem. Gives you discipline as well, just depends on how you see it.
Proof already says it, yet you decide to run. Running is just like lying to someone. When u lie to someone, you're lying to yourself aswell. Cos when u feel its right to lie to that person, u never learn from your mistake. And u will feel u can do it to others.
Hmm. I have no idea why im posting so much of my thoughts. Just wanna let u readers know, that this is just general. Not pointing out anyone. :)
Oh ya, just wanna add on. errr... Do not say you cannot do it without trying. There is a solution to every problem. There is always a way to break through to the answer, just look at it in a different way each time you face a dead end. :D
Gerald left a note at 9:58 PM
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Singapore banning downloads of Anime? You have got to be kidding me. Singapore itself is already so boring, People watch Anime to pass time and be entertained.
Integrated Resort? How does one be entertained by it as a Singaporean when u have to pay a fee just to go in and gamble? In Casinos, winning a game is 1 in 10 people on the tables. At slots, its 1 in 150 people at least. Thats how they make money.
Formula 1??? Its ONCE A YEAR! The tickets will be so expensive only few Singaporeans will be watching. And people from overseas will be flocking down to catch it. Sometimes i wonder, are all these attractions made to attract tourists or is it for the country and its people. Cos greed over money seems to be stopping Singaporeans from doing things legally.
Rules Rules Rules... Thats what Singapore is made of. The words Freedom Of Speech has become extinct! Saying the wrong thing gets u sued or fined or maybe even jailed. Thats what you're feeling like saying inside, that's freedom of speech. And what, the law is stopping everything.
Downloads are being banned. Singaporeans are paying money just to go GAMBLING LEGALLY! Every year, Singapore adds more rules/laws. Are they satisfied? OBVIOUSLY NOT! People are migrating and leaving Singapore. Cos jobs are hard to find, yes. But what do u think is the other cause?
One day, Singapore, or maybe even the world. Will be dominated by rules/laws from the government. When do I think they will be satisfied? Well, i think only when everyone is living by their rules. You might as well just kill yourself. Cos you won't bother thinking of your own things to do anymore, cos its probly banned aswell! Its like you're a dog, doing whatever they say.
Thats what I think.
Gerald left a note at 11:10 PM
Friday, June 01, 2007
This was the poem i wrote for my girlfriend Christina the next day after i had the best day of my life, which was on 4th May '07. Im only posting it now since ive never thought of anything to blog for a long long time. LOL. Just wanna share with u guys what i've shared with her. :D
The Unplanned Night
The moon and stars, Shining so bright. Romance in the air, It was everywhere that night.
As we gazed at the sky, The beautiful night sky. I turned to look at you, The shimmer in your eye, Got me mesmerized.
I saw the moon and stars, In your eyes that night. I saw the patience and care, That you never fail to share.
The loss of direction, The plans that went wrong. Turned out good in the end, As if,time was gone.
A night to remember, And never forget. A night full of memories, That I'll never regret.
The freedom we had, The love that we shared. The thoughts of the future, The gentle touch,Of your hand.
We kissed under the stars, I felt the world, Had just the two of us.
You are on my mind, All the time. You are my Day & Night, The 4 Seasons in my life.
I shall say the words, That my heart has longed to say. I will love you, Even after my dying day.
Gerald left a note at 3:26 PM
Saturday, May 05, 2007
I had the best day of my life!
4th May 2007
Had a bad flu this morning but went to school anyway. After school, i went to deposit my $1200 cheque at the bank. Went home, on the way home, my nose was leaking. LOL. Like a broken tap. When i got home, i took a much needed 3 hour nap. Woke up at around 4.50pm to get ready to meet Christina and my nose was okay already.
Took my own sweet time getting ready and all. Haha. Met her 30 mins late. Oops?
When i saw her, she lifted my spirits a little. COS SHE WAS WEARING A DRESS!!!! With little heart shapes on it. Haha. Then we went to send our other friend ALSO called Christina to the bus stop cos she was going home. A pic of both Christina's. :D
After that, we went for dinner at Sushi Tei in Ngee Ann City. The cost of food there was, above average. Haha. Had a great dinner there.
Then we were supposed to go to Gleneagles Hospital cos I wanted to go there as I wanted to make an appointment for an X-ray session. BUT, she said 171 could take us there. AND GUESS WHAT!
SHE WAS WRONG!!!!!!
So since we didn't know which bus goes there. We went to Esplanade instead. Had fun getting a little lost on the way. :P
When we got there, we just stared at the scenery. After like 10 mins, we walked over to the Merlion cos I wanted Starbucks coffee. Haha. After i got my coffee. We went to sit near the Merlion, gazed at the night sky. Beautiful full moon and the sky was full of stars. Then at bout 10.30pm. We started making our way home, took a bus 75 home. And the funny thing was...bus 75 GOES PAST GLENEAGLES! We felt so dumb. Haha.
Got off at Cashew road. We walked through the small park there then all the way to the bus stop near my house. And she took a cab home instead. LOL.
Happiest day of my life. Doesn't sound that way? Thats cos i left out many parts of the story. Haha.
But its just being with her that makes me happy. I felt so free today. Everything we planned didn't follow through, YET we ended up having lots of fun still. :D
And her comes the worst part of the day. Christina just sent me a message saying that her mom knows bout me and her. And her mom wants to speak to me this Sunday at church. Hmm... Got a bad feeling about this. But i guess things will get better if i see her mom. At least, i hope things will get better. *gulp*
Hmm, thats all i guess.... IAN!!!! CALL ME WHEN U READ THIS!!!! LOL!
Gerald left a note at 12:18 AM
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Sigh, i went back to my old house to have dinner with my mom. I missed my dog so much... And when i saw my dog, she was so thin! She smelt like she hasnt showered in weeks... I was heartbroken when i saw my dog so thin. When i carried her, i could feel the ribs. Its like she was some POW... Its like she weighed 5kg....
Its just heartbreaking. Felt like crying the first time i saw my dog after so long. I dont know what to do...
I cant believe i get blamed so badly by my brother just cos i took 1hr and 30 mins to fetch my sis home from sch cos she was sick....
Nobody was there for me when i needed someone to talk to when i was young, not even my parents.
My parents were always worried for them, and me? I'm the anti-social, lying, attention seeking, cold-hearted son.
They never knew why i seeked attention when i was young. They never asked. They never worried bout me when i was sick. My mom was always so stingy over money to send me to the doctor. She was never stingy to them. My parents NEVER KNEW what they were doing to me. They probly thought either of them were paying attention to me. But assumptions dont really tell u its true. They've gotten so many gifts from my parents, so many things. Almost everything they asked for...
When i was young, i have always been constantly lied to by my parents... Whenever i asked for a toy, they always said, i'll get it for u tomorrow. Always hoping that i would forget cos i was young and probly want something else. But i really wanted that toy car so badly for months... LIES LIES LIES!!
Is that what parents do? Lie? Push the blame on the child cos their young and they dont know anything? Blame someone else cos they wanna save their pride? Say things like, i regret giving birth to u? I have always stood up for my brother and sister. But have they ever stood up for me? Never. Their too afraid to take a beating, too afraid to stand for whats right. Whatever happened to Justice? Whatever happened to Truth? Whatever happened to the world? Whats going on with parents these days? Life doesnt revolve around them once they've got a family. Life doesnt and shouldnt revolve around anything or anyone! Shouldnt life be good to live? Shouldnt people be happy that their still alive? Be it healthy or sick. Im sure it beats dying.
I'm not gonna say that my siblings dont understand me. Cos their not very observant and they take things for granted sometimes. I just wish they would be a little more caring for me. Not just push the blame to me over and over again. Everyone makes mistakes. But the one that admits his mistakes is the real Man/Woman. It takes guts to admit you've done wrong. It takes guts to say sorry though you have dont NOTHING wrong. It takes guts to say NO. It takes guts to open up to someone, to tell them your fears and all. It takes guts to TRUST.
Sigh. I've never cried like this since i was 5 yrs old. I'm just so hurt by what they said. Now i know how my Dad felt when my sister scolded him.
Gerald left a note at 8:57 PM
I find it so hard nowadays to update my blog. Well, here is a new update.
Erm.. I'm attached now, to a girl named Christina. I'm happy being with her. Feels like a dream come true.
Just worried for my friends Ian and Eudora. Hmm...
I'm confused, yet happy and sad.
Oh yea, and i watched Mr Bean's Holiday just now. Its a good show, laughed throughout the movie. LOL!
I guess life has its ups and downs. Time makes people wait. Having patience would be a good thing. Losing it, might be a real pain. I've got nothing left to say but sorry.
Hmm... I have no idea what im doing. Haha. Oh yea, and i bought a vcd called Walk The Line. Haha.
Gerald left a note at 6:48 PM
Saturday, March 24, 2007
I miss my dog. Sigh....
Wherever u are Chocolate, i love u. I just pray you're doing fine. I really miss u. All the moments we shared, will always be remembered. Its been nearly 2 weeks. And im already missing u so much. So worried about u.
Whenever i was sad, u would always cuddle up to me. And keep me company. Whenever i came home from school, You would always come running to greet me. Whenever i have a bad day, You would look at me with those beautiful eyes. And put a smile on my face. You're like another sister to me, I just dont know what to do now without you. I feel a big piece of my heart has just been ripped out. Stolen and kept for ransom. I pray you'll come back to me safely. Just like the upcoming movie Hearty Paws. But i would never do anything to hurt you. Every commercial for that movie, Just breaks my heart into another million pieces. Over and over and over. Everytime i cry, You'd lick the tears i've cried. I know u dont want me to cry. Right now, At this moment. I'm crying my heart out, Trying to keep the pain inside, Its just too hard! No matter how angry and sad i am, No matter how hard i punish myself. I just wish none of this would happen, To cause me to lose u. I love u, I love u, I love u.
Gerald left a note at 12:36 AM
Monday, March 05, 2007
Today's horoscope for Sagittarius!!! Quite cool actually.
Someone may try to persuade you to go off in a different direction today but you should stay the course. Love is in the stars and a commitment can be made but, keep in mind that once you put yourself on the line, you must stand by your word.
AND THAT I SHALL DO! LOL! I'm full of crap today. Oh yea! I wrote something today. With a little stuff taken from my friend's poem, i wrote my own. :P Let's just say he helped. LOL!
My heart never felt so sad before, Till the moment you walked out that door. As you were the one, That showed me a new world. I will treasure you, Like the first and last JEWEL. I have confessed with my heart, The love I have for you. I have expressed it with words, The undying will to be with you. My love has let you down before, This time it shall not drown. For every star you see at night, Lies a prayer that one day...you will be mine. The smile on your face, So divine. It lights up my life, Like the sun above all skies.
Gerald left a note at 6:35 PM
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Hmmmm, cant really think straight now. I'll just put in the scriptures. lol
Oh yah. I WATCHED ROCKY LAST NIGHT!!!! It was good, but the older Rocky movies were better.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133:1 It is like the dew of Hermon, Descending upon the mountains of Zion; For there the LORD commanded the blessing—Life forevermore. Psalm 133:3 Jesus spoke these words, lifted up His eyes to heaven, and said: “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You, John 17:1 I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do. John 17:4 20 “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. John 17:20-23 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20 But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Matthew 9:36 And the LORD said, “Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. Genesis 11:6
Gerald left a note at 10:48 PM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Alright, let's see. I was late for church again today. LOL. The service was great, there was this new pastor from Korea that came to do the service. COOL!!! He was so ethusiastic!!! He was preaching bout what satisfies him and everyone in the church. He said nothing in the world can satisfy us except for the word of God. Well, mainly he was preaching bout the hunger everyone craved for God's word. Alright alright, time for the scriptures. :P Scriptures by my Pastor were:
So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7
As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? Psalm 42:1-2
Scriptures from the guest Pastor. :D Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled. Matthew 5:6
For He satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness. Psalm 107:9
Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain, Like the latter and former rain to the earth. Hosea 6:3
And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. John 6:35
Therefore the LORD will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the LORD is a God of justice;Blessed are all those who wait for Him. Isaiah 30:18
O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You, In a dry and thirsty land, Where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Psalm 63:1-3
*combined verse* Isaiah 57:19 “ I create the fruit of the lips: Peace, peace to him who is far off and to him who is near,” Says the LORD, “ And I will heal him.” 2 Corinthians 6:13 Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open. Alright, and other than all that, today was a good day. Haha. :)
Gerald left a note at 6:45 PM
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
OK OK OK!!!! Went to Sentosa today to get my tan. FINALLY!!!! I'M BROWN AGAIN! LOL. Played soccer and stuff at the beach. Didnt really expect it to be so packed but..it was.... Girls there...hmmm....HOT HOT HOT!!! Guess it wasn't just the weather. Haha.
Anyway... Had this temptation to watch Ghost Rider today, since i've been trying to catch it for so long!! Since last thursday to be exact. ;) Went to Vivocity with Hakim to catch it, BUT NO!!!!!! THE LINE WAS SO LONG!!!! So, we decided to go somewhere else to catch it... Ok, he decided we should go somewhere else to catch it. Haha. We went to PlazaSing, we lined up for the tickets. When it was our turn, THE TICKETS WERE SOLD OUT! There was a 4pm and 4.35pm show, and both were sold out! Tried to catch Norbit at 5pm, BUT NO!!!!!! IT WAS SOLD OUT TOO!!!! I WAS SO FRUSTRATED!!!
Anyway, back to the story.. Desperate to watch Ghost Rider today, We went to the next closest cinema. THE CATHAY! While walking there, i told Hakim, they might show Ghost Rider in The Grand Cathay theatre. And if it was sold out, I WOULD SUE!!! LOL. The line at the 1st floor was long, really long. So me and Hakim decided to go upstairs to get the tickets instead. IT WAS LONG TOO! But, we went to line up anyway. While waiting for our turn, i was praying. Praying that me and Hakim would be able to, to catch Ghost Rider today and the tickets would not be sold out.
When it was our turn, IT WAS SHOWN IN THE GRAND CATHAY THEATRE AND!!!! I quote again!!! "AND" The tickets WERE NOT SOLD OUT! LOL.
Ghost Rider turned out to be a really good show. Everything i expected and more from a movie with Nicholas Cage as main actor. Haha.
And...thats it with today! Love life, Life is beautiful. And so are Jessica Alba, Nicole Kidman, Mariah Carey, Beyonce...... AND THE LIST GOES ON!!! LOL!
Gerald left a note at 7:46 PM
Monday, February 19, 2007
OK GUYS! How are the ang pows coming along??? LOL.
Church yest was great, as always. Haha.
I have shown you in every way, by laboring like this, that you must support the weak. And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' Acts 20:35
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, Ephesians 5:18 (SCRIPTURE OF THE WEEK!)
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, Ephesians 3:20
Let me see, life is kinda...ok for me. LOL. On the passing line, not many expectations this year.
Feelings come and go, My feelings have grown. Mistakes made in the past, They were my last. Writting a new story, A new beginning. Of a man that has changed, A man that has faith... On pursuit of his feelings, The angel of his dreams. Praying for her love, He made a heart's promise...
Gerald left a note at 6:39 PM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Well let's see. Church was fun today. Woke up at 9am LOL. LATE AGAIN! I'm supposed to help out with the setting up of intruments for the worship. BUT NOOOOO, i had to go for beer last night with my friends. LOL. Least i still made it on time for worship and i helped keep the equipment.
Didn't update last sunday's scriptures, and i lost the paper. CRAP! So, i'll update today's scriptures. Forgot to write down the main one though. But im sure my very very nice youth leader will send it to me as a breakfast delivery tmr! Haha.
Scriptures I took down today:
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 Friends and people who are reading my blog. THESE SCRIPTURES ARE IMPORTANT! BEAR IT IN MIND! LOL.
Oh yea, and yesterday i bought new shoes! Timberland!!! Haha. Comfy, mature and OH SO EXPENSIVE!!!!!!
Gerald left a note at 5:19 PM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Today at church was kinda fun. Had lunch with the church people. Haha. Went home with Veronica(church pianist) Her mom(back-up singer) Clara(Veron's sister) and her oh so irritating brother Matthew.
Had quite a fun time with them on the bus home.
Things i learned in church.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16
If you intruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. 1 Timothy 4:6
He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30
The rest of the verses, i forgot to write. LOL.
Hmm, played soccer just now. Sprinted all over the court, didnt feel tired at all. Thats a first! LOL.